Blurbs of Conversation

I was apprehensive about posting this entry. Is it whiny? Is it too petty? Angry? Weird?

This entry has been copied and pasted directly from a series of posts I did back when I was writing Confessions of a SheDevil. They were the most frequently clicked on posts and were read by the most people in the most countries around the world. 

My friends who read COASD have told me that these were not only the most chilling entries, but also the most relatable. What I've learned in my time since is that the conversations you are about to read are also eerily universal to couples in similar situations. 

If you're someone who has had a problem with my talking about my experience in the past I recommend you close your web browser now. Reading this is a choice. 

Why do I write about what happened even though several years have passed since I ended it? Because nothing will ever change if we "just shut up and get over it."
Silence is Crap

So if you CHOOSE to read this, don't sit and judge. Shut and learn something instead.

Green Font is Adrian*

Pink Font is Me

"Don't call the fucking police!

If you call the police,

They'll find the basement,

I'll go to jail,

You'll get evicted,

You'll never get paid back,

and Skunk will probably come after you

and might kill you for telling!"

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"This is all by the book abuse... it's like we’re reading a script"
"I don't give a fuck about your script!

That website doesn't know who we are.

They don't know what we've been through.

I can't believe you'd write me off to a damn website!

Babe! I love you!

I don't want to hurt you!

You just need to stop acting like a damn cunt all the time

You BITCH!"

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"I've been good to you!

I've always been good to you!

I don't go to strip clubs!

I don't hurt you that bad!

Where are your marks?

No one is going to believe you if you don't have any marks...
Those marks could be from anything,

A judge will see we have pets and he'll think those are from them.

And you'll look like you're crazy.

Because you are crazy!

You're fucking crazy!

This is stupid! I don't hurt you!

You know I love you! You gotta stop acting like this!"

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Let's go see some people tonight.

Ok. Who?

Joe is gonna be there. Ryan and his new bitch are gonna be there. Lot's a people.

...

What?

...

What?! What the fuck is your problem!? Why you lookin' at me like that?

It bothers me when you refer to the general female public as bitches.

You do a lot of things that bother me too.

I'm sure I do. We've been together forever. But I'm asking you to stop referring to the general female public as bitches when you are around me. And stop referring to the general public as motherfuckers. Please. It's very disrespectful.

What? What the fuck is your problem?

Why are all women bitches? They are people. Why are all people motherfuckers? They are people.

Stop trying to micromanage me! Bitch!

Call it micromanaging if you will. It really bothers me. A lot. If you do it please don't do it around me.

Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! All you do is bitch!

We're not going. We're not going tonight. We're not going cuz' you're a bitch! 

And everyone is gonna know we aren't there because you were being a bitch!

You fucking bitch! Bitch! Everyone hates you because you're such a bitch!

I guess I'm a bitch then.

#@&#**

Wow...was that really necessary...?

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How's your ankle?

What do you mean?

You know...

I know what?

From when I...?

Oh... that...yea it hurts

Why didn't you say that the first time I asked?

I dunno Dude. It all hurts. I try not to think about it.

You know... I black out or something when I do it. I don't even remember hurting your ankle. I only know because you tell me.

That's no excuse. Your actions are your own.

Yea but...I don't even realize it until afterwards.

There's no excuse. It's a choice either way.

But I don't remember! I don't even know if what you're saying I do is true!

You know what you do. Before, during, and after. You know exactly what you're doing.

Babe... listen to me!

There's no excuse--

But... can we just...

There's no excuse---

It's just...

There's no excuse--

***********************************************************************************

Ok... I need your help today. My car is actin' up again. I need you to drive me to Autozone. Then we gotta come back here. If that doesn't work. We gotta return the part and head to the junkyard. Then we gotta come back here. I gotta try a few things and then maybe we'll have to head out again.--
Sorry... I already had shit to do today. I can help you but I can't drive you around all day.

No. What do you have to do? I need your help today, Babe.

I have to buy clothes for work and I'm meeting Jess for lunch around 1.

What? No. You have plenty of clothes. You have too many damn clothes. Look in your closet. I'm sure you'll find what you need. You can have lunch with Jess anytime. You're gonna have to reschedule. I need your help.

I haven't seen her in ages. We had this planned last week.

You spend more time with your girls lately than me! We're a team! I need your help today. Please?

I can help you, but I will not drive you around all day. I have things planned already.

That's all I need. I need you to drive me around today. You can stay in the car and play on your phone while I run into places. I'll buy you lunch too.

Can someone else help you? I really can't spend all day doing all that.

No... I'm not gonna call a bunch of people and ask them to drive me around. You're here already. I need your help.

No

&%$#&^@

What the fuck! Why did you throw that at me! That thing could have killed me!

Oh don't be so dramatic...

A giant can of wasp killer? Yes. That could have killed me if it had hit me in the head or the chest.

Neeehhh...  "a giant can of wasp killer"..."it could have killed me"... you're fucking crazy...



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Did you eat the cookies that were in here?

Yea.

All of them?

What's the problem? They've just been sitting there. For like...days!

Days? They've been in there for less than 2 days.

So...?

Not 'so'. My grandma sent those to me as a get-better gift.

Get better about what?

About you.

You told her!?

I didn't give her details, but she knows we aren't together anymore and she knows you're still living here and she knows I'm going through Hell with you. So she baked me cookies and sent them to me, and you ate them!

Well...you had some...right?

I had four of them. There were like 30 in there.

Not 30. There were like...20.

Do you really think that makes a difference at this point?

You know... I don't really talk about it much... I don't like to bring it up... I think I have... for a long time I've had a compulsive eating disorder. If there's stuff like that in the house I'm gonna eat it. I don't like that about myself.

Then... change that about yourself Dude. I don't know what to tell you. People change things like that about themselves all the time. Do you think that makes this ok? Are you completely void of self control? Do you have absolutely no responsibility over your own actions?

Don't kick me when I'm down! Bitch!

Don't eat my cookies when I'm going through hell to put up with you!

@$&%$#

What...the fuck! You just threw the remote at your meal ticket! That shit is never ok. Not when I was your girlfriend, and certainly not now. Are you completely void of self control?

%@#&$

Find some money...NOW! And get the fuck out of my house! There's no excuse for this! None!

Don't kick me when I'm down! You're such a bitch!

Get a job! Act like an adult. Take responsibility for your actions! Don't throw shit at your...fucking...benefactor! That's all I am right now. A battered fucking benefactor! Fix it! NOW! Fix this shit! NOW!

You abuse me too! You're emotionally abusing me right now. Stop telling me what to do!

I have never physically harmed you. I have never intentionally broken things that belong to you. You do those things to me every day. At this point, if what I am doing is emotional abuse, then so be it. I'm tired of working my ass off and having it all get dumped into a black hole. Get the fuck out of my house. No more excuses! Fix it! NOW!

* Not his real name

**Non-Alphanumeric characters indicates acts of physical violence taking place